Saturday, December 26, 2009

Hope and Faith

I'm kind of on a hiatus right now what with visiting my family and going to a retreat in Missouri. However, I wanted to post one last message of hope and faith to close off 2009 and begin 2010. For your viewing pleasure I present:

Enjoy and rest assured another world is not only possible, it's probable. =)

Monday, December 14, 2009

We Make The World Better

Oh my goodness. I love this audio link my friend sent to me. It's the scientific proof showing how we feel has a ripple effect. How heart-based living affects the entire world. It's yet another reminder to me that we, you and I, have the power to make the world better because of how we live our lives. Because of how we are feeling. I love the feeling of autonomy and empowerment I felt after listening to Gregg Braden, "Heart-Based Living." I thoroughly recommend you check it out:

EDIT: I realize the clip has been taken down. The gist of it can also be found in this series of YouTube clips:

Listening to this clip I know another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Safety Nets

I really like safety nets. I like knowing if my plans don’t work out there’s an option B. Slowly my safety nets have been taken away from me and it freaks me out. My parents are renting out my childhood home in North Carolina so if my world comes crashing down around me I can’t move back in them. Not there at least. My, “in case neither of us is married by the time we’re 40 we’ll get together,” person is seriously dating someone, which is awesome, but nonetheless he’s no longer an option for me.

What I realize though is I don’t need a safety net. A safety net is an illusion anyway because even safety nets have a tendency to disappear. The thing is though, why even have a safety net in the first place? Why not just go all out and shoot for my dreams knowing I’ll be taken care of? That the universe is backing me, guiding me, protecting me at every moment? Why not go after what I want even if it seems illogical and ridiculous and completely unattainable?

I’m not sure I’m making any sense but I have a little story I’d like to share.

In 2007 when I worked in Washington, D.C. my coworkers had a Mother’s Day jewelry sale. I went looking for a gift for my mom and passed by a mother-of-pearl shell bracelet with a T-bar and circle clasp. I didn’t think my mom would like it, plus I don’t like buying parts of animals, so I went back to my cubicle empty handed. But I kept thinking about the bracelet. I wanted it – not for my mom, but for me. So I rushed back upstairs and purchased it (and said a prayer for the mollusk who died to give it to me).

Shortly thereafter I went to a WNBA game with a friend of mine. As we started walking toward the exit I looked down at my wrist and realized my bracelet was gone. (The bracelet is a little bit too big for me and so the T-bar has a tendency to slip from the clasp.) I started searching around me in a panic, checking my pockets, my sleeve, the ground. I retraced my steps, went back to the bathroom to see if it had fallen on the tiles. I scanned the crowded hallway and couldn’t find it. My friend and I went back to our seats and there it was, on the cement, directly below where I was sitting.

Yesterday while I sat at my desk at work one of my coworkers came up to me, with my bracelet dangling from his fingers. “Is this yours?” I hadn’t even realized I lost it but nonetheless, my bracelet found its way back to me.

Last night on my walk to the chiropractor I realized I lost my bracelet again. I scanned the pavement looking for it. I kept my eyes trained on the ground for six blocks looking for it to no avail. I probably lost it somewhere on my mile walk from work to my apartment. Since I work from home on Thursdays I couldn’t even look for it today so I called one of my coworkers and asked her to keep an eye out for it. But what are the odds I would find it? It could have fallen off anywhere. Someone else could have picked it up; it could have been thrown away by someone sweeping the sidewalks. It could have fallen into a sewer grate. In all likelihood my bracelet was gone.

This morning as I went to the basement to do some laundry I looked at the windowsill in the stairwell. And there was my bracelet, waiting for me. Of all the places it could have been, of all the possibilities, my bracelet found its way back to me.

I bring this up because some things seem completely illogical, unreasonable, and far-fetched but if they’re meant to be they will happen. If you’re meant to have something, you will. If you’re meant to be a famous actress, the stars will align. This bracelet belongs to me for now, wants to be with me for now, and so it keeps finding me over and over again despite all odds.

A safety net? I don’t need it because in truth there is no option B. My life will work out the way it’s fated. My dreams may not stay the same year after year, but if they do, that tells me something. If after surrendering, if after opening myself up to whatever is in my best interest I still get pointed back toward something then it will come to pass. Whatever it is will defy all odds. Miracles happen everyday. Just look at my bracelet.

I’m not going to tell you I don’t have any doubts some days, because I do, but I can tell you I’m trying to release them. I’m using EFT and affirmations and whatever else to truly believe what the universe is trying to tell me via signs and “coincidences.” I’m releasing all doubts because all I can do is aim for option A.

I dream of a world where we can trust in ourselves and the universe. A world where we shoot for our dreams full force knowing if it’s meant to be it will happen. A world where we know everything happens for a reason in our best interest. A world where we know magic happens and the impossible is possible. A world where we know our “safety nets” are our dreams because that’s what we’re being guided to do.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Love No Matter What

I spent Thanksgiving with some family friends of mine in Ithaca, N.Y. While I was there I sat next to a woman who it turns out met me years ago when my family lived in North Carolina. Talking to her brought up a very particular memory that I would just as soon forget.

Around the time this woman met me, when I was 8 years old or so, my family went to a group meditation regularly on Sunday nights. Usually the kids would go outside and play in the front yard while the adults meditated. During one meditation my brother, three years my senior, said something or did something that set me off. I was so angry at him I sat on his back and started pounding his head into the grass. As soon as my outburst finished I felt so ashamed and so embarrassed I sat in the front seat of our minivan for the rest of the evening. All I could do was cry and berate myself for lashing out. I felt so horrible I didn’t even go into the house for dinner.

I’ve rationalized the event many times – it was years ago, I learned my lesson, I won’t do it again, etc. – but the burning pit of shame stayed with me until now, 17 years later. Meeting this woman I still felt a burning pit of guilt/shame/embarrassment.

I think many people feel the same way about something they’ve done. I think most of us, if not all, have some moments and some memories we’re not proud of. Things we wish we could go back in time and change. For me at least, tied into the guilt/shame/embarrassment is love. My inner dialogue goes something like this: “I’m a bad girl, I did a bad thing and now no one can ever love me. How could they? What I did was horrendous.”

The truth is what I did was not so horrendous, not so horrible. And even if it was, that doesn’t mean I’m any less deserving of love. I know this isn’t the popular point of view but I firmly believe even pedophiles, rapists, mass murderers, etc. deserve love. No I don’t think they should go unpunished, I don’t condone behavior that harms others, but that doesn’t mean those people are any less deserving of love. And nor am I.

What I’m learning is to forgive myself for everything I’ve done in the past I don’t like. To look at what I’ve done and do more than say, “Well, I know better now.” To look at what I’ve done and say, “That wasn’t your best moment but I love you anyway.” That’s what unconditional love is. Love no matter what I do or say or think or feel. I also know God’s love for me will never diminish. There is nothing I can do that will make God love me any less. And I’m moving to a place where I too feel the same way. Where I know there is no act I can commit that’s so horrendous I don’t deserve to be loved. A place where I love myself deeply and completely no matter what.

I have the same wish for others. Because truly, making mistakes doesn’t mean you deserve love any less.

I dream of a world where we can look into the depths of our pasts with love and compassion. Where we forgive ourselves for everything we perceive to be “bad.” Where we let the past go because we know we deserve unconditional love no matter what. I dream of a world where we not only love ourselves unconditionally but those around us. Where live in a world filled with love and light and hope. A world where love is boundless and plentiful.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.