Friday, February 19, 2010

Releasing Doubt

“Lack of doubt makes magic real and makes manifesting your wildest dreams probable.”– unknown

Can I just tell you I have doubts about the future? I have doubts about the way things will go down? I have doubts about where my life is going and what I will accomplish? The thing is though I don’t like it. I don’t like having doubts because I know it’s a vicious cycle where doubting something will happen invariably keeps it from happening. (Most likely anyway, but at the same time I recognize anything is possible.)

I also know “doubt” really means lack of trust. It means I’m saying to God, “I don’t believe you. You’re lying.” I wish I could say I’m past doubting and disbelieving in the Universe but I’m not yet. I wish I could say everything is hunky-dory now but I can’t. At the same time I want to move past it. At the same time I want to trust in my creator and my creator’s plan for me.

I doubt because of fear. I doubt because things don’t look the way I think they should look. I doubt because I can’t see the future and ascertain how I’m going to get from point A to point B. Because from where I’m standing getting to point B looks nigh impossible.

This doubt thing though runs counter to all my other beliefs. My knowledge the world is magical. My knowledge anything is possible. My knowledge I have a higher power greater than myself watching out for me and steering me along.

The Universe has told me time and again, “Hey, this is going to happen,” and I keep refusing to believe it. And I laugh because I stumbled upon the quote I wrote above, “Lack of doubt makes magic real and makes manifesting your wildest dreams probable,” at the apex of my doubting state. If that isn’t like getting hit by a spiritual 2x4 I don’t know what is. I laugh because God is so obviously telling me to release my doubt, to trust in the cosmic plan, sending me sign after sign after sign. This too is where recognizing my life is my life comes in. Because I’ve been letting other people tell me how my life is going to work out. Or I’ve been looking at other people’s lives thinking mine will turn out the same way. And it won’t. It doesn’t.

My friend D would tell me to just let this all go. He’s right of course but obviously I have a “need” for doubt otherwise I wouldn’t be clutching onto it so tightly. And perhaps that’s really what this post is about. Knowing I have an issue I don’t like, that I want to get rid of, but that I’m also holding onto. This is me acknowledging a part of myself enjoys doubting because my ego likes to see me miserable. Likes to keep me confined and thinking I can’t have the things I want. This is me finally saying I don’t need to doubt because doubting gets me nowhere.

I, you, we, are divine children of God. Who am I to say great and glorious things cannot happen? Who am I to say the world is anything less than magical? Who am I to say to God, “You, who are responsible for all of creation, are wrong about this?”

Doubt keeps me boxed in this teeny tiny place and that’s not where I live, nor where I want to live. And so I release all doubt. The Lord has said to me, “Rebekah, this is what’s going to happen.” Who am I to say, “No, it’s not?”

I dream of a world where we release all doubt. Where we trust in the Universe and what the Universe has conveyed to us. A world where we see the magic in everything. A world where we know anything is possible. A world where we live in the present and let the future take care of itself. A world where we understand we walk arm in arm with the Supreme and that means trusting in what lies ahead.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

My Life Is My Life

Sometimes when people tell me their stories I over identify. I see so much of myself in them or their situation I start to think my life will turn out the same way theirs did. Like if they started dating a really close friend and it ended up being the most toxic relationship of their life, I start to think the same will be true for me. That’s just an example but it applies to various situations.

For a really long time I’ve wanted a roadmap for my life. Or at the very least to follow someone else’s pattern. Ideally someone would say to me, “Ok Rebekah, this is what you should do if you want a happy and successful life. Here are the actions you should take from now until the end of your days.” That may sound silly, but really I’ve wanted my life to be a math equation. I’ve wanted to know if I follow what other people have done I’ll get their results. In some ways I’ve wanted to live everyone else’s life except my own. I’ve wanted my life to follow a neat and ordered pattern because of fear. Because what will happen to me if it doesn’t follow that pattern? What will my life look like then?

I think this plays into the fear of the unknown and how we tend to choose the devil we know versus the devil we don’t. Because there’s the always the chance the unknown will be worse. And so I want to know. Want to know if I do exactly what Mary Jane did I’ll get exactly the same results. I want to follow in the footsteps of those who have come before me, something our culture lauds, but at the same time it’s a very narrow viewpoint.

The thing is life is not a math equation. Or at least it’s not as simple as 2+2 = 4. Just because someone I know met their best friend through a meetup group doesn’t mean the same thing will happen to me. We are each unique individuals with our own samscaras (karmic reactions). There are always extenuating circumstances.

I guess I’m saying lately I’m shifting the microscope from examining other people to examining myself. I’m starting to recognize what happens to other people will not necessarily happen to me. I have my own story. I have my own path, my own way and I cannot follow anyone else or assume the reactions to their actions will be the same as mine. We are not the same people.

At some point it’s time to take into account the magical world we live in, filled with infinite possibilities. A world where 2+2 = a banana. A world where I can wake up 20 minutes late and still get to work on time. A world where I can run into my best friend on the street.

This is me recognizing just because Joe Schmo cheated on Sally Jane when he studied abroad in France doesn’t mean Everett Everyman will do the same thing. This is me recognizing I have my own life, my own story, my own circumstances. They may look like someone else’s but that doesn’t mean they are. My life is my life and what happens to one person may not necessarily happen to me. The best thing I can do is take what I want from other people’s stories and leave the rest. Take what resonates as the truth for me and throw everything else out the window. The best I can do is live my own life.

I dream of a world where we allow for all possibilities. A world where we recognize life is magical and anything can happen. A world where we live our own lives knowing every situation is unique. A world where we release our need to control and instead live in the moment. A world where we understand life is complex and varied and that’s what makes it so awesome.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Releasing Judgment

There’s an expression I’ve heard that says, “Compare and despair.” Ain’t that the truth! There’s always going to be someone who is “better” or “worse” than me at something. In the past I’ve used it as a marker of self-worth or importance. As in, I can feel good about myself if I’m better than Jane Doe at a particular task, but feel bad about myself if I’m worse. Whoa buddy. Now isn’t that a perfect setup for creating a complex?

I bring this up because this week I do find I'm comparing myself to those around me. On both ends of the spectrum. I’ve compared myself and came up short and compared myself and came out ahead. Neither one of those is where I’d like to be. I don’t want to be ahead or behind. I don’t want to feel superior or inferior. In many ways it’s easier for me to deal with inferiority because then I can pull out my favorite quotes about how we’re all divine children of God and we’re all made to shine. It’s much harder for me to deal with superiority and arrogance because I almost feel like that's what it means to believe I'm a divine child of God.

Really though superiority and inferiority are different sides of the same coin. When I start comparing myself to others, puffing up my ego, I’m overcompensating. I’m overcompensating to make myself feel better. To make myself believe I am courageous and intuitive and strong. Because a part of me must not really believe it. Otherwise I wouldn’t need to say I’m braver than so-and-so. Otherwise I would just feel that I'm brave, period.

All of this is just a long-winded way of saying when I judge others (and myself) it’s a sign I’m not giving me the love I need. Just like I wrote before about wanting people to pay attention to me, judgment is another indicator I’m not looking internally enough. I’m not telling myself, “I love you,” enough.

It would be very easy to start self-chastising, to criticize myself for being judgmental or arrogant or whatever, but the truth is those acts are so not helpful. They don’t correct the problem, they just make me feel worse. Criticizing only compounds the situation and adds a layer of guilt and shame.

I bring this up because judgment runs rampant in our society in all corners of the world. Somehow we’ve been conditioned to rank ourselves, figure out what our place is, and judge those around us. I for one don’t want to participate anymore. I’d rather be completely focused on me and my life, allowing other people to be who there, accepting them as they are, and letting go of anything else. I’d rather feel at peace with where I am, knowing the only person I can change or even want to change is myself. I’d rather deeply and completely love and approve and accept myself. I know when I do judgment falls away.

And I have that wish for others. (A video I’m tapping along with to help me in the process can be found here.)

I dream of a world where people are more internally focused. A world where they recognize they are who they are and comparisons are futile. A world where people love and approve and accept themselves. A world where people feel love for themselves and the love coming at them from the Universe. A world where we recognize we are each unique incarnations of God/Brahma/the Universe and that’s awesome. A world where we know someone else’s brilliance only heightens our own.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.