Sunday, September 29, 2019

The Beauty in the Climate Tragedy



What with the recent Climate Strike, Greta Thunberg's speech at the UN, and the news in general, climate change has been on my mind. Jonathan Franzen wrote an article recently about a new kind of climate change denialism, which is denying how bad things will likely get. He says, "The climate apocalypse is coming. To prepare for it, we need to admit that we can't prevent it."

Franzen's essay elicited a lot of ire for multiple reasons. Climate scientists refuted his claims of doom and gloom, and others pointed out the sexism and racism in giving a novelist room to write about climate change as opposed to others who are experts in the field. As for me, I'm teetering on the edge of doom and gloom. I'm thrilled about the passion we're seeing from youth especially. I'm excited that friends of mine are becoming vegan or vegetarian. It's incredible to see all the changes people are making. And at the same time, we're already experiencing the effects of climate change.

Could some beauty come from all this? Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

That's not news to most people, but I'm repeating it now because there is a sense of loss, of mourning. The world is different now than it was 10 years ago. We're undergoing another mass extinction. Am I crying about it? Yes I am. And at the same time a different perspective is arising.

I think about how dinosaurs used to roam this Earth and then became extinct. Their extinction paved the way for me, for us. Could the same be true for climate change? Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying we should move full steam ahead and kill everything because by doing so a new creature will appear. Nor am I saying people should continue to feed every greedy impulse and use up all the planet's natural resources. But what I am wondering is perhaps whether good can come from doom. That the changes we're experiencing on the planet are real and terrible; that many people will die and suffer, and maybe we'll move into a new era. One that's more thoughtful, more equitable, more cooperative because we've learned we literally cannot live any other way.

My spiritual teacher has said in passing that eventually blue eyes will become extinct. As someone with blue-green eyes that gives me a pang, and it demonstrates to me extinction is built into existence. Eventually maybe everything goes extinct. I don’t want to speed the process along by any means, but it has me wonder about the divine intelligence at play. What if I could mourn the planet, fight like hell to save it, and at the same time believe something beautiful could rise from the rubble? Even saying that right now, I feel more hope and less fear, and that's a great place for me to be.

I dream of a world where we act as stewards of the planet, caring for it as best we can. A world where we recognize that change is sad and scary but also inevitable. A world where we grasp that something beautiful can come from something tragic.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Stronger than We Seem

It's ironic the title of this post is "Stronger than We Seem" when right now I feel weak. Subsisting off of powder and water will do that to a gal. However, when I looked through old blog posts to recycle, this is the one that jumped out at me. A lot has changed since I wrote it in September 2017, but the message is still a relevant one. No audio because I couldn't manage it.

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.” – A.A. Milne

It seems to me right now we're all being called to become our best selves. We're being asked to stretch and grow in ways that are uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Milne's quote reminds me so often I sell myself short and there is more courage, strength, intelligence, and love within me than I acknowledge.

There is some not-fun stuff going on in the world, as per usual, and the challenge for us is to rise to the occasion. For me personally, that means getting in touch with my inner power. Often I want other people to do the heavy lifting in my life. I want them to “fix me,” to “make me better,” to “have all of the answers,” or in some way allow me to play the damsel in distress. The place this shows up the most is with my health.

There's more beneath the surface. Photo by Muhammad Shahzad on Unsplash.

I'm writing a long facebook note about everything my chronic illness has taught me, but for the purposes of this post I want to focus on empowerment. The dynamic that has shown up with my health is I approach doctors and healers not as partners in my path to wellness, not as people who help me to heal myself, but rather as wizards who will magically cure me without any effort on my part. I realize awe-inspiring stories of magical healing happen every day, and I so wish I could be one of those people, but thus far the universe has said to me, “Nah gurl, you gotta be your own hero and rescue yourself.”

I came to this conclusion after literally trying all the things Western and Eastern to heal my physical body and not seeing much in the way of results. A friend of mine posted about a book called Energy Medicine on Instagram and even seeing the title sparked curiosity within me to explore deeper. After the eclipse, an intense and passionate desire bubbled up within me to start reading the book. It's a synthesis of all the modalities I have familiarity with – acupressure, energy meridians, chakras – and describes them in a practical way. The book explains why certain spots on my body are tender, or why I instinctively cradle my stomach. More importantly though, it's empowering me to heal myself.

It's early days, but even if I don't see the results I'd like, it seems like a valuable lesson to remember I have power and magic within me. That I am capable of more than I think I am. That I don't have to outsource everything to other people. This post is all about me, but the principle applies to the broader society as well. How many of us think what's happening is “someone else's” problem? Or that “someone else” will take charge? And how much of that is based on insecurity or inferiority?

My spiritual teacher says over and over again, “You should behave with every created being, every human being, in such a way that neither a superiority complex nor an inferiority complex develops in you, or in those with whom you interact. ... A person must not suffer from an inferiority complex, because that person and his or her friends and siblings are all the progeny of the same Progenitor. They come from the same origin.”

That means I'm just as capable as anyone else. That means the same power within others is also within me. And vice versa.

I dream of a world where we recognize we all have inner power and strength. A world where we remember no one is superior or inferior to us. A world where we realize we are braver than we believe, stronger than we seem, and smarter than we think.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Sunday, September 8, 2019

At Peace with the Inevitable


Certain things in my life feel inevitable. What's going on with my diet right now feels like one of them. Some of you know I have a long list of food allergies that keeps getting longer. The frustrating part for me is if I eat something frequently enough, I become allergic to it.

The other week I noticed when I eat figs, now my mouth burns. Never mind that I've eaten figs for YEARS without any problem. Suddenly, they're a problem. If you know anything about health, you might be saying, "It's sound like you have leaky gut." You would be correct. However, following the leaky gut diet (i.e., no gluten, cutting out carbs, low sugar, etc.) hasn't made a lick of difference and in fact I'm only getting worse.

Yeah, not eating any of this right now. Photo by Waranya Mooldee on Unsplash

I called my doctor in frustration and she recommended the Elemental Diet. The Elemental Diet is food broken down into its most elemental form. It's a powdered meal replacement. It's something physicians give to patients with Crohn's disease and to recovering anorexics, among others. The recommended procedure is to eat only the powder mixed with water for two to three weeks to give the digestive system a break. That means no solid food. I cried when my doctor suggested the regimen and also freaked out, worrying that I'd feel hungry. It's only been a couple of days, but surprisingly, I feel good. My body doesn't hurt after eating. The powder is filling. My mood has improved. Will I do this for three weeks? I don't know -- it's one meal at a time for me right now.

What's interesting is in my yoga and meditation group we're supposed to fast 11 days after the full and new moon. Concessions are made for people who don't have good health, but if someone can fast, they are encouraged to do so. And fasting runs the gamut from consuming absolutely nothing, including no water, to merely abstaining from rice and fried foods. The reason fasting is encouraged is it gives the body a break and also the time spent eating, cleaning, and prepping can be used for spiritual pursuits. I'm finding the same is true for me. Thus far, I'm meditating more and feeling closer to my higher power.

The reason why this whole thing feels inevitable is I'm finally engaging in a practice that is a big part of my spiritual tradition. My life is oriented around spirituality, around moving closer to something bigger than myself, and fasting is allowing me to do that. It feels like I would always end up here. That I would always see the benefit of fasting for my body, mind, and spirit. Because as I've seen with other practices, like yoga, eventually something happens to get me to come around. I'm not sure I'm doing a great job explaining myself, but that's OK. For me and for everyone there are certain things in our lives that feel inevitable, and that's what I'm speaking to.

I dream of a world where we accept the inescapability of certain things. A world where we recognize we were always going to end up someplace or doing something specific. That there are some things we can't fight and instead we give in to them. A world where we feel at peace with the inevitable.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Sunday, September 1, 2019

In the Hallway



A close friend of mine used an analogy the other day that's stuck with me. She said her higher power has closed a door in her life and hasn't opened another one yet. So for now she's stuck in the hallway, waiting for another door to open. Yesssssss. That's so my life right now. I'm in limbo, in the hallway, waiting for something new, for a door to open, but it hasn't yet and it's uncomfortable.

I hate this phase. I think most people do. And at the same time I recognize this is a part of life -- it's filled with speed and then pause. Even when breathing we inhale, pause slightly, and then exhale with another slight pause. When we walk, we put one foot on the ground or we can't move forward. The left foot makes the next step only if the right foot prepares by being placed on the ground.

I live here now. Metaphorically speaking. Photo by Runnyrem on Unsplash.

My spiritual teacher says, "This is crucial for successful movement. Thus if we wish to say something about speed, or the characteristics of movement, we will have to acknowledge the necessity of the state of pause otherwise it will not be possible to move into the next stage. …  This speed and pause will continue. Pause means gathering momentum for speed in the subsequent phase. If one closely watches the effect of speed on a particular community or the entire humanity, one sees that generally people eulogize the period of speed. However, we cannot afford to ignore the state of pause, because by judging what the previous state of pause was like, we can discern the speed of the next phase."

A couple of things jump out at me from that quote. First of all, the pause is temporary. It feels like I'm going to be stuck in this hallway forever but I won't be. Worse comes to worst I'll get a job at an ice cream parlor or a grocery store or something. Things will change, they absolutely will, even if a part of me doesn't believe that. I'm reminded just because I may not believe something doesn't make it any less true. For instance, some people still believe the Earth is flat, but regardless, the Earth is round.

The other point that jumps out at me from the quote is the last bit, about how the state of pause can help discern the speed of the next phase. What I'm taking that to mean is my life is going to go off like a rocket. All of this momentum, this angst, is going to catapult me into the next phase and my life will move at warp speed. I cannot express how much I'm looking forward to it. And at the same time, I'm recognizing the necessity for this state of pause, this place where I'm spinning my wheels, revving my engine, and getting ready to zoom ahead. Pretty soon a door will open and I'm going to bolt through it. But for now I'm here, in the hallway.

I dream of a world where we recognize the importance of limbo periods. A world where we understand in order to move ahead we also have to pause, to gather momentum. A world where we recognize even when it seems like we're standing still it's all in service of what's next.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.