Stored Emotion

This topic has come up in at least three conversations with people in the last week so I'm taking it to mean it would be a good topic to blog about. It's a bit of a departure from what I normally write, but that happens sometimes.

Approximately 10 years ago I learned of EFT, also known as emotional freedom technique, or tapping. The process combines the use of acupressure with psychology. Tapping with the fingertips on specific meridian endpoints of the body helps to calm the nervous system, rewire the brain, and restore the body’s balance of energy. I found the practice to be sort of helpful. I felt better after tapping, but nothing really changed for me. I still carried around a lot of fear, my health didn't improve, my finances didn't change, I remained single. It wasn't the magic pill I was hoping for. So I stopped tapping.

Sometimes we store emotion in places. Photo by Olliss on Unsplash.

More than a month ago, I heard an interview with Jessica Ortner, one of the big names in tapping, and decided to try again. I picked up the book by her brother Nick Ortner, called The Tapping Solution, and read his section on pain. He asked the question, “Is there an emotion associated with the pain?” As someone who is extremely psychosomatic, this question is a game-changer for me. At the time, I had painful menstrual cramps – that didn't abate with painkillers or a heating pad or any of the things I usually try. I asked myself, “Is there an emotion associated with this pain?” and the answer was “sadness.” I started tapping all of the acupressure points while I said out loud, “All this sadness in my uterus, all this sadness in my uterus. I'm releasing it and letting it go now.” Tears streaked down my cheeks as I cried over something that happened to me a long time ago, that I thought I was over.

I kept tapping until I felt better, and wouldn't you know it, no more menstrual pain. I tried it for other things too. My feet swelled up due to poison oak and the healing process seemed to stagnate. I asked myself the question, “Is there an emotion associated with the swelling in my feet?” and the answer was “anger.” So I tapped through that too, and then the next morning my feet returned to normal size. I think most of us are aware of the mind-body connection, but I was surprised at how a specific body part can store an emotion, and how that emotion can linger in place for years.

I share all this because perhaps the recurring back pain or rash that won't go away, or whatever, is your body telling you something. Maybe there's an emotion there asking to be felt and the pain or symptom won't go away until it's been addressed. I'm a stubborn gal so it's no surprise my body is too. The beautiful and magical thing though is with just a few minutes of tapping, we can feel the emotions, release them, and let them go.

I dream of a world where let go of stored emotions. A world where we recognize sometimes pain carries a feeling and we can take the time to feel the emotion and then move on. A world where we use all the tools at our fingertips to help ourselves heal.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Life Is A Drama

It's been a crazy whirlwind of a week and the only thing that comes to mind is this post I wrote nearly two years ago in January 2017. I'm sharing it again now.

I asked a friend the other day how he maintains hope and faith when the whole world seems to have gone mad, and he told me he views life as a drama – there will be happy parts and sad parts and scary parts. He doesn't expect life to be a smooth ride where nothing happens.

He also told me a particular scene we find distasteful could be pivotal to the story – in hindsight we may find certain actions were crucial.

I like his perspective – it helps me to detach a little and not become quite so dismayed at the events in the world. I'm not saying I no longer care, nor that we should sit back and do nothing. Rather, his perspective reminds me this is reality. I want everyone to be happy all the time. I want life to proceed in a straight line improving day by day. I want rainbows and sunshine and kittens prancing through fields all day long. But that's not what we're living in, and that's never what we've lived in. Life is a series of ups and downs, twists and turns. And furthermore, there are good people and bad people, just like in any riveting tale. There are heroes and villains, and I hate to admit it, but the villains usually prompt the heroes to leave the house. If the villains weren't engaging in some nefarious scheme, the heroes would twiddle their thumbs and maybe knit a scarf. Personally, I'd find that kind of story dull and would ask for my money back.

So melodramatic.

Similarly, real life is the same way. There are heroes and villains, there are wise advisers and fools. We all have our parts to play, but unfortunately, no one handed us a script or fed us our lines.

My spiritual teacher says, “When human beings bring something within the scope of their intellect, and by perceiving and observing it closely, can understand the cause behind it, this is called kriidá; and when the cause is beyond the scope of their thinking it is called liilá [or play]. Whatever the Macrocosm does is beyond the periphery of the human intellect, and that is why whatever He does is His liilá.”

My interpretation of this quote is a lot of stuff happens in this world. Some of it I will understand and some of it I won't, and maybe never will. The stuff I don't understand is liilá or play. My point of view is instead of agonizing over why this happened or why this didn't happen, it's better for me to take the mindset that life is a play, life is a drama, something I get to witness unfolding.

What I also believe to be true is ultimately the arc of civilization bends toward the beneficent. Ultimately things improve for all of us. However, getting there sometimes requires clash and conflict. Sometimes things get crazy and bizarre, like any good drama, before they are sorted out. It seems to me right now our society is in the middle of an important and intense scene, one that I'd like to believe is leading us somewhere better, but it won't make sense until later on when the story plays out.

I dream of a world where we view life as a drama. A world where we realize the ups and downs are a part of life. A world where we understand we all have our part to play and we play it with gusto. A world where we keep doing our part trusting eventually the story will resolve.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Keep Going

Right now wildfires besiege California. Tens of thousands have lost their homes and many more have evacuated. Where I live, the weather forecast this weekend was “smoky.” Firefighters are working around the clock to contain the conflagration. The only thing that comes to mind is that quote from Winston Churchill who said, “If you're going through hell, keep going.” It applies to the people working tirelessly to keep us safe, to the people fleeing for their lives, and to the people unaffected by the blazes.

I'm not a firefighter, but I'm also fighting some battles. Somehow I picked up poison oak on my feet. How that happened is a mystery – likely the one day I sat outside barefoot on redwood leaves they previously touched poison oak. What that means is my right foot in particular looks unhappy. I'll spare you the details because I get grossed out by those sorts of things, but my doctor assures me with poison oak, it gets worse before it gets better. Right now I don't really believe her. It's hard to see my skin returning to normal when things look so bad right now.

Sometimes life is a matter of putting one foot in front of the other. Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash

Similarly, with my novel, I don't believe I'll hit 50,000 words at the end of the month. Every day I'm meeting or exceeding the daily word count to reach that goal, but it still seems nigh impossible. Why is that? Because I'm in the thick of things. I'm continuing to battle and the tide hasn't turned yet. I could stop. We all could. We all could give up, surrender, admit defeat. But where does that leave us?

I also want to acknowledge here it's difficult to keep fighting. It's difficult to continue moving forward when the task before us seems overwhelming. I don't envy the firefighters in California right now, nor do I envy anyone confronting a battle of their own. But I support them, and myself, and everyone else. I will keep cheering from the sidelines as many are doing for me. And I will hold out hope for the fire to die and the smoke to clear, just like it has where I live. I don't know what the future holds, but on Sunday morning, I looked out my window and saw a blue sky above the smoke layer for the first time in days. May we all see blue skies literally and figuratively sooner rather than later.

I dream of a world where we keep fighting when the situation calls for it. A world where we understand sometimes it takes a while before the tides turn and victory is in sight. A world where we cheer each other on as we all go through our own versions of hell. A world where we keep going.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Do The Thing You Think You Can't

This month I'm participating in NaNoWriMo – that's National Novel Writing Month for the uninformed. It's an internet campaign that encourages people to write 50,000 words during the month of November. That's roughly 200 pages in book land when you take into account formatting and page size. It's approximately 75 pages single spaced in a word processing document.

Writing this much during the month of November, or any time really, feels nigh impossible for me. I used to say with sincerity that I can't write fiction to save my life, and now here I am writing fiction. Some people might scratch their heads upon hearing that. Aren't I a professional writer? Haven't I been, you know, writing, for nearly my entire life? What's the big deal with fiction? Isn't it all the same? In brief, no.

Yep, I'm writing one of these. Photo by Mahendra Kumar on Unsplash

As a journalist, I write about the world around me. I summarize and synthesize information already available. I don't create anything, I merely convey information. Writing fiction is the complete opposite. The novelist must create an entire world and have it make sense. Even fantasy and science fiction conforms to certain rules manufactured by the author. Characters have to seem like real people with real emotions and motivations, otherwise we deem them “flat.” As someone who has spent decades reporting on real people and real events to suddenly switch gears and report on imaginary people and imaginary events is no easy task. And yet, here I am, doing the thing I think I can't.

This post isn't altogether profound because, well, I've already been writing for two hours every day outside of my writing job, but there's something important for me here about mentioning we're capable of more than we think. We place limits on ourselves and what we presume we can accomplish, but maybe that's inaccurate. When I hear about incredible things other people do my first reaction is usually, “I could never do that.” But could I?

My spiritual teacher says something to the effect of exhaust all of your own strength and energy and then if you're supposed to continue, the universe will give you more strength and energy. That's not a recipe for burnout, by the way. It's not an invitation to run ourselves ragged. Rather, it's the acknowledgment that if you're lost, wounded, and starving in the woods, for instance, if you're meant to live, somehow you'll find the reserves to crawl 200 miles on your hands and knees to civilization. That's not an exaggeration, by the way. It's the true story of Hugh Glass, who Leonardo DiCaprio depicted in the movie The Revenant.

What I'm saying here is we are all capable of more than we think. Will I be able to write a total of 50,000 words by the end of this month? I'm not sure, but I'm working toward that every day. I'm tackling something seemingly impossible for me and doing the thing I think I can't. And even if I fail, this process is stretching me in ways I never anticipated and that in and of itself is valuable.

I dream of a world where we do the things we think we can't. A world where we realize we are stronger, smarter, and more capable than we are aware. A world where we realize if something is meant to be, the universe will lend us a hand.

Another world is not only possible, it's probable.