Friday, December 19, 2008


Love. Such a big word for only four letters. I've heard there are people who horde saying, "I love you" like a squirrel putting away nuts for the winter.

I am not one of those people.

I say, "I love you" all the time. It doesn't always mean the same thing, however. For me there are many shades of love. They all emanate from the same source but each is slightly different. The love I feel for my mother is different than the love I feel for my brother, which is different than the love I feel for a friend. And I feel a different love for different friends.

Why do I mention this? I mention this because I understand saying "I love you" can feel weighty but why be a miser? Love is the greatest gift we humans can give and receive. It's what makes life worth living, and I'm not talking only about romantic love, although there's that too. Love in general is what makes life precious, beautiful and fulfilling. A world without love is the worst kind of hell.

It is my firm belief the best way to make the world a better place is to spread more love. Spread love like you breath air. Give it away freely and to everyone. Even if you can't say the words, send out that energy. Spread kindness, a loving energy. How can there be hate and war if everyone is spreading love? How can there be loneliness and isolation if each and everyone person feels they are loved? And the thing about love is not only does it feel good to receive but also to give. And while it may seem exhausting to constantly send love to people, love surrounds us. God's love is ever present. Every object, every person, every thing is saturated in God's love. We are absolutely drenched with it but sometimes we are blind to it or take it for granted.

The best way to not take it for granted is to give it back. How about saying I love you to God? Or even, "Thank you for bringing me into existence. Thank you for dropping me in your glorious creation. I love you and the life you have given me. Thank you." How about letting everyone around you know they are loved? Why horde it? Why wait? Why not express it to anyone and everyone?

Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone felt a steady stream of love. If everyone felt cared about and loved unconditionally. Imagine what a utopia the world could be if we not only recognized God's love for us but we spread that love to others. Imagine a world where everyone on the planet felt constant love from all corners. Where every child felt safe and loved unconditionally. Where every adult felt secure about the love in their lives.

We can bring that world into being. It's already here, glimmering beneath the surface. I can see it.

I know not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


There are probably a million articles about how it’s important to visualize what you want. “See yourself winning that marathon, driving the Mercedes,” etc. In fact, the entire premise of The Secret is based on it. The message I hear again and again is, “Visualize the things you think will make you happy.” What if we skipped that step altogether and just visualized being happy?

I’m reminded of the movie “Peaceful Warrior,” based on Dan Millman’s autobiography “Way of the Peaceful Warrior.” Dan was a gymnast at UC Berkeley, well on his way to winning a national championship. A lot happens in the movie, but basically Dan gets into a car accident and shatters his femur. He gets a metal rod stuck into his leg. His coach thinks he can longer compete in the national championship but Dan perseveres, training on his own with the help of a guy he dubs Socrates – someone who helps him realize the power of being present. Dan competes in the U.S. Trials for the Olympics and wins.

After Dan gets his medal, a teammate comes up to him and says something along the lines of, “Wow! Can you teach me how you did that? I just know I’ll be happy once I win. If I can just get that gold medal my life will be great.”

How often do we think this way? How often do we say, “I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds, I’ll be happy once it’s the weekend, I’ll be happy once I get married.” Why do we think we need things/people/events to make us happy? Why not skip that step altogether and just go straight for happy? Why wait for it?

I think it’s great to visualize what we want. I want to publish a book (eventually) so I’m seeing it in my mind’s eye. However, I don’t believe my happiness is contingent on getting published. I don’t want to continue to put my happiness on the layaway plan. Instead of seeing myself happy X amount of time from now because I achieved X, I see myself happy right now. Not because I bought a new car or my boss gave me a pay increase or because of any outside factor. I visualize myself as happy. Now. I see/believe/feel myself in a state of happiness right now. I cut out the middle part, the illusion.

I dream of a world where people realize life is too short to put off their happiness. I dream of a world where we are happy because we choose to be, not because something happened to us. I dream of a world where everyone is happy a majority of the time. Not only can it happen, it does happen.

I know not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Lately I've been thinking about community, how everyone feels a need to connect. How as human beings an integral part of our existence is a longing to fit somewhere. Most of us already have a community we belong to, but what if that community were bigger and grander? What if we truly became a global community?

I envision a world where we take down our fences, our borders, our guards and "keep out" fades from existence. I envision a world where we all understand what I do affects you, what you do affects me -- that we all affect each other. I envision a world where there's a true sense of community around the world, so we cannot stand seeing our brothers and sisters suffer, and in fact we all take care of one another. I envision a world where the phrase "starving artist" ceases to exist because our creative people are allowed to express themselves in whatever capacity they choose and don't have to worry about earning a living from their art. I envision a world where love is what makes the world go 'round. Where compassion reigns supreme and we all support each other. I envision a world where we are not only individuals but part of a larger group. A group that loves us, supports us and takes care of us. I envision a world where I cannot utter "I'm lucky I have a community" because everyone has a community. Everyone belongs. The lone wolf, the lone ranger, the outsider will no longer exist because we are all insiders. The circle will be huge and grand and encompass everyone. My community will be anywhere and everywhere. I can belong in the U.S., in Belize, in Iran, in China, in Namibia. I can belong anywhere. Everywhere.

I envision a world where my community is your community. Where you and I are linked. Where we all support each other without forgoing our individuality. Where I can strike out on my own but also look behind me and see the safety net waiting to catch me if I fall. I envision a life where the world is my community. The world is where I belong.

This world is already manifesting. I can already see it. Not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I wish to be transformed. Really and truly. I wish to soar to new heights to realize my full potential and be the person I’ve always dreamed I could be. I wish to do great, be great, and feel great. And you know what? I can.

I used to believe there were things about myself I was stuck with. I used to believe there were certain personality traits I was doomed to express forever.

Now I’ve come to realize everything can change, everything.

There’s an expression, “As you think so you become.” I think I can transform. I think I can change. I think I can realize my full potential. But retraining your thoughts is hard. Reciting affirmations all the time isn’t enough for me. The emotional freedom technique only takes me so far.

When I’ve gone as far as I can go I reach out my hand for help. I call on God and ask God to lift me up. I ask God to bring me above myself, my limitations. I ask God to help me to change, to show me the way. I ask God to help me soar to my highest heights, to transform me into my best person. I turn myself over to a power greater than myself, a power that has the capacity to change me, to get rid of the personality traits I no longer wish to express. I turn to God for my transformation.

And you know what? I shift, I change, I move. I don’t have to limit myself to what I “think” life is like. I don’t have to settle for anything, including myself. I don’t have to say “I’m impatient and that’s the way it will always be.” I can change, you can change, we all can change if we so desire.

I dream of a world where we as humans don’t settle for anything. Where we recognize all possibilities. Where we understand Yes We Can for anything, for everything. Where we can rid ourselves of personality traits we don’t like. Where we can rise above the issues giving us trouble. Where we can reach our dreams, where we can find success, where we transform ourselves. It can happen. It already has.

Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Emotional Freedom

I find myself constantly reacting. “She said this so then I felt this.” Or “this happened so consequently I felt X.” I’m noticing how not fun that is. How not fun it is to constantly go outside myself for validation/support/comfort/whatever. How not fun it is to feel like a passive player in life instead of an active participant.

My last post I wrote about need. I suppose this post is a deepening/extension of that.

Rev. Michael Beckwith said our natural state as human beings is to feel high. I wanted to believe him when I heard that but didn’t know how being in that state constantly was possible.

Now I do.

Yesterday I was sick, and thus loopy and needy and crazy. I craved affirmation and sought it from others. Even when my mother told me what I wanted to hear, it wasn’t enough. It didn’t satisfy me, it didn’t comfort me, it didn’t fill me like I wanted it to. I realized (again) the only person who can give me what I need – including comfort, validation, etc – is me. Yesterday’s experience only deepened my realization, my belief.

Today I spoke to the now oft-mentioned Heather asking her for techniques or mechanisms to help me find the comfort I seek from myself. Is there some sort of visualization or something I can do when I want to hear how awesome I am?

Her response was to simply ask God/my Higher Power/whatever for help. Say “I want to shift, please show me the way” and the answer will reveal itself. Say “I feel X and I want to feel Y.” It will happen.

I also think by simply asking we open ourselves up to that change, we open ourselves up for the shift to occur. And you know what? I shifted. I wanted to feel better? Now I do.

When Rev. Beckwith says the natural state as human beings is to feel high I think he’s right. However, it takes time to get there. It takes time for the shift, the change to happen. In the meanwhile, certain events/situations/conversations will still throw me for a loop or put me in a funk. But! But! I can quickly move out of those funks. I can move myself from feeling down and low and depressed into a place of love and tranquility and peace. I can, you can, we all can.

I envision a world where we all stop reacting to what happens to us and instead we choose how to respond. I envision a world where we feel the constant bliss, or love, or whatever it is we wish to feel. Where we know we have the choice to feel what we desire. I envision a world where we recognize our own power, our own purpose, our own light. I envision a world where we consciously experience what we want.

I know in my heart of hearts not only is another world possible, it’s probable. Let's make it happen. =)

Saturday, November 8, 2008


Up until this evening I would have told you I need x, y, and z to be happy. I "have" to have such and such in order to experience joy. I "need" so and so to be in my life to feel fulfilled.

Tonight I experienced a shift.

Tonight I did some healing and realized, wait a minute, I don't "need" to be in a relationship with someone, I don't "need" an umbrella or a laundry hamper or a job or an apartment to be happy. All those things could vanish tomorrow and my soul, my essence, would remain unchanged. Who I am can never be harmed.

I realized tonight that yes, the things I surround myself with make life cozier but I don't need them. I don't "need" anything except for God. All I need is contained within myself right now, here, in this moment. All that I am, all that I will ever be, is locked in this body. All the rest is just trappings.

My happiness, my joy, my bliss cannot be found in the arms of another person, nor in a new computer or a brand new car. I recognize the people and the objects in my life for what they are: a gift. All of it, all of it, all of it is a gift from God for a short span of time. Everything in my life is a gift.

So no, I don't need a man or new shoes or a job to be happy. All of it is just stuff -- stuff to distract me, stuff to shield me, stuff to make life easier. But it is all transient. People and things will come into my life and they will leave my life. But I remain the same.

No object, no person, no situation will "make" me happy or give me the lasting satisfaction I crave. In yoga we say human beings have a thirst for limitless. What we really crave is pure bliss all the time. We delude ourselves into thinking a certain situation, a certain thing will give us that pure bliss. It won't.

All I need is me. And God. I am all. I am that. I am Him. I am everything. Everything is me.

I envision a world where we as humans don't get entrenched in our belongings, our things, our objects. I envision a world where we all recognize the people and things in our lives are not where happiness can be found, but rather they are gifts. Gifts to be cherished for the short time they are with us but not clutched in our hands like life preservers. I envision a world where everyone recognizes their own divinity. A world where we all recognize our needs and wants are fulfilled at every moment all the time.

I envision a world where we all express our truest most authentic selves. A world where we let our beauty and divinity shine through. A world where objects are merely that: objects. I envision a world where we reach for God and rise above the material things in our lives to grasp onto our inner divinity.

I know not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Bringing Another World Into Being

My good friend Heather sent me an audio recording from the Reverend Michael Beckwith, founder of the Agape International Spiritual Center. It’s some powerful stuff. I’ve only listened to half of it thus far but he said a lot already that resonated with me.

Rev. Beckwith talks about how we are all vibratory beings. How our natural state is one where we feel “high” and connected to divinity. Here’s an excerpt of what he said that really hit home for me:

“You’re a vibratory being. And when you come to that understanding the work/play you’re participating in is about lifting your frequency so that you are not fighting circumstances, situations, people, places, and things. Instead you are rising above that into a realm of cosmic ideation that allows you to transcend the world of appearances, transcend even your seeming personal mind and perceptions and opinions so that you can begin to see the world that has been made before the beginning of time. In the beginning was the word, the word was with God. You begin to see this world and participate in this word and a whole other thing begins to happen. You begin to understand ‘I make all things new. I make all things new. I make all things new.’ You are a vibration. This is why a right understanding of God and prayer lifts your vibration. When you understand that God…is spirit, not a man in the sky, not an anthropomorphic being, but God is spirit, every where present, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, omniactive, the only thing going on is the power, the presence and the love of God. When in truth that begins to dawn on your awareness…you’re a vibratory being…The right understanding of God and prayer lifts your vibration.”

Powerful stuff in and of itself, right?

Beckwith goes on to talk about how the world we want to live in already exists. Right now what we’re trying to do now is let it manifest. The antonym of manifest is latent. Latent means “present and capable of becoming though not now visible, obvious, active, or symptomatic.”

The world we want to live in is latent. It’s here, it’s present but not obvious or visible. You, I, we can make that world visible. We can make that world manifest. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong in the world let’s focus on what’s right, what’s working, what’s good, what’s great. Let us lift our vibration and rise above the muck. Let us lift our vibration and rise above the things we wish would disappear.

How do we do that? I think one way is to focus on what’s working, what we wish to see. As Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Let’s be the change! We are the change! We are the light and the love and the goodness. You, me, we, us. We are working to bring the world we wish to see into being. Right now, in this moment, as we are.

When we let our love and our light shine through our being we allow God/Spirit/the Divine to work through us. To use us as an instrument to make the latent world manifest. When we move our ego out of the way, when we move our “I” feeling to the side, we let God work through us, to lift us and the world around us.

I think the other way we lift our vibration is through spirituality. Whatever your path may be, I think by remembering we are all divine, that God is in everything, also lifts our vibration. By remembering our connection to the Cosmic source of all life, that inherently makes us “high,” lifts us up and allows us to soar.

I want to soar. Will you soar with me?

Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

On Being Present

I have a tendency to spiral out and think about what I’m doing in an hour, tomorrow, this weekend, etc. When I moved to California that practice ceased because, well, when you don’t know where you’re living next or where the money will come from to buy groceries, it’s difficult to live in the future.

However, now I’m settled with a job and an apartment and I find myself going back to that terrible habit. I find myself constantly thinking about what’s next, what’s next, what’s next. I bring this up because (I think) many people do the same thing. I think most of us don’t live in the Here and Now because I dunno, maybe we’re constantly searching for something better.

For me at least, when I continuously think about the future I miss out on what’s right in front of me. I never get to enjoy where I am or what I’m doing. I never fully experience anything because I’m too worried about what’s next. How sad! What a tragedy to go through life never fully living in the moment.

While I realize there is a whole book (several actually) to Being Here, Now, there are some things that snap me back to my present moment, that keep me from constantly living in the future.

What I do is try to be more physically present. I notice how my yoga mat feels beneath my fingers. I notice how my hair feels when it brushes against the nape of my neck. I take a deep inhale and figure out what I smell. I listen to the sounds around me and try to distinguish what they are, what could be making them. I bring my awareness to my tongue and discern what I taste. (You get the picture.)

Why is this important? To me it’s important to Be Here, Now not only because this is the only moment we get but because being present brings me closer to God. I find God infused in every moment but only if I experience the moment! When I stop to notice my surroundings, enjoy where I am, I feel God’s presence and the latent divinity in everything. Yes it’s easier for me to think about the future but it’s much more fulfilling to live in the present.

I envision a world where people appreciate every single moment of their lives (even the bad ones!) because this moment is everything. I envision a world where people enjoy what is before them and revel in it instead of jumping ahead. I envision a world where we don’t trudge through the day but rather appreciate it for the gift it is.

It is my firm belief not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Finding Your Calling

It seems lately I keep running into people who are trying to figure out what their calling is. What they were put on this Earth to do. I am by no means an authority but I do have some thoughts about it.

I believe every person on this Earth is here for a reason. There are no accidents, there are no coincidences.

One of the best things my friend Heather, who is a spiritual life coach, said is, "I came to this planet for a reason and that reason is being fulfilled in this very moment with grace and ease. As always." I really think that's true.

The question becomes how do you figure out the reason?

For me it's writing. When I write the world vanishes, time stops and I feel like I'm transported somewhere else. When I write I feel like I'm brushing against the divine and accessing my highest, most true self. When I write I feel a connection to God. When I write I feel like I'm tapping into something greater than me.

I think every person has something like that in their life. I think every person has an activity where they feel graced and loved and true and beautiful. I think every person has something in their life where they are guided, where they are most connected to God. I think your "calling," your reason for being here, is connected to that feeling. If it's when you sing, by all means sing. If it's when you paint, or design websites or bake cookies, do it! How can we not want to do the activity that makes us feel the most alive, the most graced, the most connected to God? How could our purpose on Earth be anything other than to tap into our gift? Whatever makes your heart soar you should align with, in my opinion.

Once you find your calling there's the whole matter of following through with it. (See "Fear, Trust and Dreaming Big.")

I think part of the problem with finding your calling is some people are so out of touch with themselves they have no idea what makes their heart soar or what they enjoy. It's like we're all floating in the ocean looking for our life raft. Some of us flail around a bit and then bump into it. Some people flail around and panic because they can't find it. Some people just stop looking. For those people who have been floating for so long they can't even remember what a life raft looks like, it becomes necessary to shout out for help. By all means, shout out for help! No need to tirelessly continue swimming when someone will throw you a raft. And I promise, you'll get a raft. It's a universal law.

I don't think it matters if you have to seek a spiritual life coach or pray a lot or whatever to find your calling. Finding it is all that counts. Why should you torture yourself by doing a job you hate just to make money? Isn't life too precious?

I dream of a world where everyone knows what they are on this earth to do and they aren't afraid of pursuing it. I dream of a world where people are in touch with their calling and they use their gift to benefit others. I dream of a world where people are happy and joyful because they have a sense of purpose, a reason for being alive. I dream of a world where no one wakes up in the morning filled with dread because they have to go to their horrible job where they are barely scraping by. I dream of a world where everyone lives up to their utmost potential, where talent is encouraged and where we all realize our reason for being here.

I see that world. I see how we're on the cusp of it. It is my deepest belief not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! So, you may or may not know but right now is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. I realize not everyone who reads this is Jewish, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the benefits a new year brings, even if it is in September/October.

Seeing as how a new year often involves resolutions and hopes for what the new year will bring I have a few I’d like to share.

I envision a world where people aren’t freaking out about the economy, where they aren’t lamenting how horrible the world is. I envision a world where everyone’s basic needs are met. Where they don’t have to worry where their next meal is coming from or where they’ll be living tomorrow. I envision a world where people know and understand there is enough – enough money, enough food, enough water, enough land to go around. I envision a world where people recognize we are all brothers and sisters and as such we need to take care of each other. I envision a world where compassion reigns supreme and hording is not allowed. I envision a world where the disparity between the rich and the poor is not so pronounced. I envision a world where all people are valued whether they are a drunk or a doctor. I envision a world where human value takes precedence over money. A world where people can instead focus on what brings them joy, on what they can do to contribute to society.

I know it’s hard when everyone is going nuts about the stock market, but seriously, how does being afraid help anyone? How does being stuck in that fear place serve any purpose? Maybe this crisis is exactly what we need – a chance to re-examine our government and our economy. A chance for us to say, “hey, maybe this isn’t working. Maybe we should rethink things.” What better time than a new year?

There are options for us. There are solutions. There are at least a thousand nonprofits working on these very issues.

A quote from my spiritual teacher Shrii Shrii Anandamurti that goes something like this comes to mind: “Your difficulties will never be greater than your ability to overcome them.”

So I believe not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Letting Go Of Someone

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.” -- Kahlil Gibran.
If someone had said this to me last week my response would have been: "What are you talking about?!? If you love someone you have to hold on with both hands! You don't let that kind of thing go!" To my amazement, this week I find I'm in Kahlil's camp.

Let me back up. When I get a crush on someone it's usually intense and dramatic and well. Obsessive. It's obsessive. I admit it. I'm a drama queen and I have a tendency to pursue things until they are dead. Sometimes this serves me well (perseverance leads to a job!) and sometimes it doesn't (whoa, you're coming on too strong). It's something I'm working on.

Anyway, I have a crush on someone. I was taking the route of "I like you! We need to hang out right this instant!" It felt very. Sticky. Very. Clingy. In other words I was attached. I couldn't get him out of my head.

And then we hung out and he couldn't seem to talk to me. It got me thinking about relationships and people and possibilities.

I started thinking about how as much as I like this guy it may turn out to be nothing. I started to be open to all possibilities, including the one where we don't end up together. I understand and accept it (probably) won't work out. I'm surrendered to my fate and to whatever direction this relationship will go, including nowhere. Why am I bringing this up?

Since I dropped my attachment, my desire to force a relationship, I feel less frustrated. The energy surrounding this guy feels less clingy, less sticky. I feel freer and more open. I can't tell you whether we'll end up dating or not because that chapter is still being written, but I can tell you I feel a whole lot better.

I'm noticing how I feel easier, better, and more open now that I've let him go. I'm allowing whatever is in my best interest to manifest because I am no longer attached to any outcome. I don't know if this post will help anyone else but I guess I just wanted to say I know another life is possible. One where we let people come into our lives as they may, whether that be for a year or two, and we allow them to leave when they wish. I envision a world where we aren't attached to the people in our lives but are merely grateful for the time they grace us with their presence. I envision a world where even if we like someone we don't try to force a relationship but rather we let the relationship be whatever it needs to be. I envision a world where we are open to whoever is in our best interest even if that person isn't the one standing next to us.

I know that not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

What I've been struggling with lately is accepting that whatever happens to me -- whether I like it or not -- is in my best interest. It's hard to believe when bad things happen, like breaking your leg, not getting your dream job, or getting rejected by someone you really like, that it's actually in your best interest.

Last night I got an e-mail that convinced me otherwise.

Most of you are probably aware of the humanitarian disaster in Gonaives, Haiti resulting from Tropical Storm Hanna and Hurricane Ike. I have a friend down there doing relief work. He's been living in Haiti for a few years now. In his mass e-mail my friend writes, "The need is so overwhelming, the suffering of the people is so heart-breaking and the needs are so immediate, that this situation has introduced a vital flow of dynamism and the potentiality for very rapid decisions and going through loops in shorter time."

He goes on to say ACDI, a nonprofit, is about to give the Ananda Marga Universal Relief Team/AMURT Ladies (the nonprofit my friend works for) a large food contract that will benefit tens of thousands of people. UNICEF also wants to give AMURT/EL the green light to implement projects in Gonaives. In addition, the Ministry of Interior is asking AMURT/EL to put together a stress-management program, using yoga as a base. The UN Civil Affairs Office is invited AMURT/EL to give yoga and meditation classes. My friend says the emphasis on things like environmental protection, integrated management, women's programs and more, has grown.

The reason I bring this up is not to tout yoga and meditation but to point out how much change this horrible disaster is bringing. How there is so much capacity to do good work. How people are coming together in the streets to help one another. How in the face of such a tragedy people are joining hands and demonstrating all that is good about being human. I bring up this tragedy in Haiti as an illustration of how even when something horrible happens, good can come from it. Who knows how much Haiti will change now? Much-needed funds are flooding that country bringing all sorts of change.

My point is that even when horrible, crappy things happen it's all ultimately for the best. It highlights the need for change, throws people together who otherwise wouldn't have mingled and creates dynamism. Am I glad several hurricanes hit Haiti and people were injured and hurt? Of course not. Can I see how good can come from this? Yes. I see hope and possibility and strength and kindness. I see that another world is not possible, it's probable.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Money, Money, Money

The topic I've been hearing a lot about lately is money. Whether it's a beggar on the street down on his knees holding up a Styrofoam cup pleading for pennies, or friends complaining about how broke they are, money seems to keep coming up. In our capitalistic society it's easy to fall into the money trap, of becoming obsessed with it, fretting about it, letting it consume our thoughts. I for one hate this obsession with money, especially when I'm worried about not having it. There have been many examples in my life of being concerned about where I'll get money from and then a job pops up, or I get asked to babysit or something but I think this story from my friend Anne does a nice job of illustrating how there is no need to worry. We will be provided for:

One of the things I've been stressing out about lately is rugby - not the sport itself, but rather the attendant costs and the necessities of having health insurance that seem innocuous until you're unemployed. Specifically, I was worried about paying for next weekend's tournament - Pumpkinfest, which takes place in Philly and comes complete with gas and hotel costs.

Then last night, I went and worked a Redskins game as a Stingers fundraiser. I spent three quarters walking up and down the stands, hauling a bucket so full of beer that my arms were shaking from the weight, hawking my wares until my voice was raspy.

At the end of the night, I returned to the back room I'd been working out of all night, dumped the bottle caps out of my bucket, stripped off my sweaty, official yellow polo shirt, and took my cash apron to the woman who was running the show from her perch at a metal kitchen cart.

As I counted my wads of cash into piles on the table, she tapped numbers into a calculator, making notes of how much I owed and what percentage of my sales went as revenue to the team. When she finished she turned the calculator to show me the number at the top of the screen.

I squinted at it. "That's it? That's all I have to give back?"

"Yep," she replied, already double-counting my cash. "The rest is your tips and you get to keep all of that. You did a good job tonight." She paused to look up and smile at me, then gestured to a metal bucket next to her. "If you'd like, you can put some in for the kitchen crew."

Blinking, I pulled out all of my small bills to drop in, then looked at what I had left.

It was enough to cover my whole weekend in Philly - hotel, gas, even enough for some food and maybe a beer or two.

I folded the cash into my pocket in a daze. Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was lightness from having one less worry weighing me down, but I felt slightly giddy. Walking out of the stadium to catch the shuttle to the employee parking lot, I remembered Rebekah's posts about trusting the universe, and Jenna's reassurance Saturday night, as she passed me another beer, that "We're all ruggers, and ruggers take care of each other other."

It's true - it's true, it's true, it's true. All you have to do is trust, and the universe - or at least the rugby universe - will make sure you're taken care of.
I've been trying to keep this in mind as well as something my good friend Heather told me. She said to think more creatively when it comes to making money. Instead of focusing on job, job, job, notice other ways you can bring money into your life. When I stopped being so linear in my thinking I allowed other money possibilities to come into my life, like housesitting, babysitting and more freelance work. Just something to keep in mind. When I think about Anne's story and the stories of others, I firmly believe that not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Fear, Trust and Dreaming Big

Right now fear is clutching my innards and giving them a good squeeze. Tomorrow I fly to North Carolina to help my mother move across the country. For someone who has a slight phobia of driving, this is not exactly a walk in the park. So this got me thinking about fear. How it's such a restrictive emotion, how it keeps us stagnant in our perceived bubble of safety and comfort. How it keeps us from trying new things and following our dreams. How instead of reaching for the stars we are content burying our heads in the sand. At this moment I'm reminded of something my father says to me, "If something scares you, do it anyway." So I am.

I also reflect on my crazy life for the past year. What happened to me could fill a book, but in brief, I quit my job in Washington, D.C. one year ago and moved back home with my parents. I kept applying for jobs in San Francisco and didn't hear a peep from anyone. I felt so frustrated and restricted and like I was going to grow old and die in my parents' house. When I lived in North Carolina I played it safe. I kept applying for jobs in California hoping to find something before I moved because I was too scared to take that leap. Playing it safe got me nowhere.

In February my dad's best friend went out of town to Hawaii so I agreed to housesit for him. I flew to California on Valentine's Day feeling terrified and crazy. Me -- practical, responsible, always-have-a-plan me -- jumped on an airplane with no plan. With no job. With no apartment. Knowing all of five people. On the plane ride to California tears streamed down my cheeks as I kept asking myself, "What am I doing? I'm moving because I kept getting signs?" I felt crazy and insane and unstable. And then I arrived.

I got off the plane and put on a brave face, soaked in the atmosphere, marveled at flowers in bloom in February. THE MIDDLE OF WINTER. And I fell in love. I felt better about my decision but still crazy. I then started my quest to Find A Job but the universe had other plans for me. A lot happened to me since February, but in brief, I will have moved nine times by September, I interviewed for several jobs, none of which panned out, and met a lot of people.

In the beginning of August while I was housesitting for a famous author in San Francisco I plunked myself down on his huge overstuffed couch and lost it. I started bawling telling God I couldn't take it anymore. I declared to God I had reached my breaking point and could take no more. And I really couldn't. Essentially I surrendered my entire self because I was tired of moving, tired of trying, tired of interviewing for jobs and getting rejected. And God listened.

Two days later I received a telephone call for a job interview, a job that I later accepted. Three days after my job offer last week I found an apartment in the neighborhood I want to live in, within my price range and without roommates. So now? I live in San Francisco.

My hope is that my story will give you inspiration. It took me a full year to get a job, but it finally happened. I dreamt big -- I wanted to work for a magazine in San Francisco -- and it happened. I am indeed working for a magazine in San Francisco. I took a giant leap of faith and my net appeared, not only in the form of this job, but also always having a place to live. There were many times when I didn't know where I would be living two weeks in advance. There were many times I didn't know how I would pay for things and money appeared in the form of housesits, refund checks and freelance work. I guess I just want to express how life can be so grand, so fulfilling, so rich if we didn't let fear dictate us. If we trusted the money would come. If we trusted we would be safe and provided for. If we went for our dreams even though we were scared out of our minds.

I envision a world where people aren't stuck in the muck dredging along, going through the motions of their lives. I envision a world where people are joyful and fulfilled and get rid of the entirely useless idea they have to do something that makes them unhappy just so they survive financially. I envision a world where people are happy and joyful and turn their faces up to the sun and smile with a full heart. Where they know they will be provided for. Where they live up to their full potential because they aren't letting fear hold them back. I envision a world where people seize every opportunity that comes before them even if it's scary because they want to see where it leads. I envision a world where people stop sticking to their comfort zone because it's familiar and really go for it. Believe me, I know it's hard, but I also know you can look fear in the face and wave goodbye.

I know another world is not only possible, it's probable.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Control and Trust

Lately I've been thinking about control -- how I like to be in control, how my life feels like it's out of control, how I wish I could control others. And then as I walked home with the sun caressing my face it hit me. My need for control isn't really about control, it's about trust. It's about me not trusting in God's plan for me. It's about me not trusting what's in my best interest will happen. It's about my lack of faith. It's the belief in order for my life to be the way I want it to be I need to control not only myself but everything and everyone around me. The truth is I can't control anything. By trying to do so I only create frustration for myself and others. By trying to do so I basically beat my head against the wall for fun.

It's hard though. It's hard to give up that need to control. It's hard to surrender, to trust in something else. And yet as I write this shadows dance across my computer screen. The wind blows outside and the wind chimes tinkle. How could I possibly think I know better than the force that created everything that is in existence? How could I possibly think my little human brain could comprehend what is best for me and everyone around me?

It's so hard to trust but when I look at the evidence it seems silly not to trust in a power greater than myself. When I really examine my life I see I am completely taken care of. I see how I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I reflect on how I moved to the Bay area without a plan and it's all been ok. I've been here for a full six months without a job and I've survived. More than survived, I've thrived. Yes, I've moved roughly eight times, but I have ALWAYS had somewhere to stay. Whenever I needed money it came, either from housesitting or freelancing or a refund check from the government. I notice when I do let go, when I do trust and give up my need for control how much easier my life is. How full it becomes, how expansive, how joyful. It's hard to give up that control and learn to trust but it's worth it. It's worth an easier life, a freer life, a more joyful life.

So it is my firm belief not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Being Positive

So for the past few days I've been thinking about this whole Russia and Georgia thing. It's easy to get sucked into the notion the world is horrible and human beings are terrible creatures who are constantly harming one another. I think we can do better than that. I think we can start to counteract impending war and assaults and robberies and fear by being positive. That probably sounds ridiculous but hear me out.

I don't necessarily mean people should be Miss Suzy Sunshine all day because frankly, we're not built that way. What I mean is on an individual level the best thing I can do to counteract war is to spread positivity. To spread light. As it says on a Yogi Tea bag I picked up: "Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light." I am not in a position of power. I am not a politician or a prime minister or a part of the U.N. However, that does not mean I am powerless. It does not mean that I and others like me have to mire in darkness watching the world around us become denigrated.

The best thing I can do is spread light. To put positive energy into the world to counteract all the darkness. I have a mechanism for doing so through yoga and meditation but you don't have to be a yogi to spread positivity. By doing the things we enjoy, by laughing, by smiling, by singing, we spread the light. When we are happy we put happiness out into the world and by doing so we change it little by little.

I don't have any "proof" this does anything but it sure seems like if you shower people with love and positivity feelings of fear and hatred lessen. It seems to make sense the best way to counteract negativity is with positivity. It seems to make sense spreading light shrinks darkness. So what am I doing? I am putting positive energy out in the world in the hopes of making it a better place. Just imagine what the world would be like if collectively we starting spreading more light! My feeling is not only is another world possible, it's probable if we take the steps to make it better.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Plans and Surrendering

Lately I've been thinking about plans. How I constantly make plans -- for the weekend, for the summer, for my life -- and how they usually go awry. Especially lately. Lately I feel like beating my head against a brick wall because my life is not going the way I would like it to: I've moved eight times in six months, I'm not financially solvent, I don't know where I'm living come September, etc. And yes, this causes me angst but at the same time it's fantastic.

Here's what I mean. Two years ago when I graduated from college my plan was to live in Washington, D.C. for 5 years, settle down in Maryland with a husband and a kitten, become the editor of a magazine and go on fantastic vacations. That has not happened. Instead, while I lived in D.C. I kept getting signs to move to San Francisco. San Francisco became ubiquitous. I saw people wearing San Francisco t-shirts, I overheard conversations about San Francisco, I went to a conference and sat next to somebody from San Francisco. Essentially God beat me over the head with messages to move (at least that's how I interpreted it). And now I'm here. And my life is so much more fantastic and thrilling and amazing than I could have ever planned. I'm hobnobbing with famous authors, politicians, activists. Right now I'm getting paid to housesit/take care of a kitty in Cole Valley where I have a view of the ocean, a hot tub for my use and three stories to roam around in. I'm meeting lovely people who really get me and want to help me in any way they can. I'm exploring San Francisco, taking advantage of every opportunity and just trying to live my life. My point is not to make people jealous or envious of my life and social network. I'm trying to illustrate that sometimes God/the Universe/whatever has sweeter plans for us in mind, something we couldn't have even imagined for ourselves. My point is even though I am extremely frustrated my plans are not happening I also recognize sometimes life is better when plans don't work. I'm saying another world is probable if people, myself included, stopped trying to micromanage their lives and just let go. Imagine how glorious life would be if we didn't get upset when our plans didn't manifest, if we trusted that everything that happens to us happens for a reason! If we trusted we would be taken care of. If we let God do God's work and move us along the path we are supposed to be. I know it's difficult but I'm starting to recognize how much sweeter my life is when I let God do the planning and I allow myself to be taken by the hand. I'm starting to recognize not only is another world possible, it's probable.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Another World Is In The Making. . .

If you watch the news today (or any day really) you would think the apocalypse is right around the corner. I don't share this viewpoint because I am an optimist. Not only do I think the world has the potential to become a better place, it is a better place.

When I was a child in the early 90's, I was the only vegetarian in my entire school. Now vegetarianism is, dare I say it, fashionable. The reason I bring this up is because vegetarianism as a lifestyle is better for your health and for the environment, so the fact vegetarianism has become more popular is proof people are becoming more awake. It's proof the world is becoming a better place because people are starting to understand we cannot continue as we have. People are becoming more open to alternatives that are better for them and for the world. And it's not just the hippies in the big cities. Vegetarianism is growing even in Middle America. Food Lion, Giant, Safeway and other big grocery stores are stocking meat alternatives. The natural-grocery giant Whole Foods is still growing and prospering.

Not only are more people starting to become vegetarian, but "going green" or trying to be environmentally friendly is all the rage. Project Runway just had an episode where the challenge was to use "green" fabrics or environmentally sustainable materials. Project Runway was nominated for an Emmy -- it's not some public access channel show. It's mainstream. And it's advocating being environmentally friendly! I remember as a child my parents taught me about global warming, about how it's necessary to reduce, reuse and recycle. Roughly 15 years later, instead of still being a part of a fringe group I find myself being in the majority. That's incredible to me. Also, more and more grocery stores are stocking canvas bags people can reuse (perhaps all of them, I'm not sure, I haven't been to every grocery store). And even though not everyone is using a canvas tote, the fact the totes exist is a cause for celebration. It means people are taking steps toward a better world. One where we are more aware of our actions, our choices and our responsibilities toward one another. All of this inspires me.
When I look around I don't see doom and gloom. I see hope and possibility and change. I see people starting to understand their actions have consequences, that what they do affects the world on a global scale. I'm starting to see more acceptance, more tolerance, more compassion. I'm starting to see that another world is not only possible, but it's here.