Friday, April 3, 2009

Patience and Timing

What’s coming up for me this week is patience and timing. I feel like I finally know and understand that virtue. I realize things happen on God’s timeline and there’s nothing I can do about it.

There are some things in life I really, really want. In the past I’ve taken steps to attain those goals and felt impatience/frustrated when I didn’t get what I wanted the very minute I wanted it.

When I moved to California, I wanted a job and apartment and friends immediately. That obviously didn’t happen. I spent much of those seven months feeling frustrated and wanting to beat my head against the wall. I think about how I scoured Craigslist hourly, looked at every media job bank available, joined a temp agency, used my connections, etc. I did everything I possibly could to become employed and felt SO aggravated when it didn’t happen right away. Now I look back and laugh because clearly things happen when God wanted them to, not when I did. And that’s what I’m learning, that’s where patience comes in for me: acceptance of someone else’s timeline.

I see how God has a timeline and it more than likely does not match up with mine. I mean, really, I joined a temp agency and didn’t get a stitch of work. Not a single job. I just have to laugh because clearly it all happened when God deemed fit.

It’s a lesson I’m applying to my current situation as well. I really want to be in a relationship. I really want a companion in my life. I get out a lot, I know tons of people, I’m on a dating website, but it’s not happening. I’m doing everything a person can possibly do but it’s not manifesting. Here’s the thing. It’s not up to me. Not really. The timing has to be right, not just for me but also for whomever I’m going to end up with. My life is clearly guided by a force greater than myself, a force that knows what’s in my best interest and that’s something I’m learning to accept.

I guess what I’m saying is I finally accept there are some things (many things) I do not control. Many things, like timing, are out of my hands. I can finally accept that. And in my book acceptance is a synonym for patience. I accept I’ll be in a relationship when God deems it time; I accept I’ll get to the front of the line at the bank when I do; I accept the bus will come when it does. When I accept what life is I feel patient. I can either beat my head against the wall in frustration or I can enjoy what’s before me. (This is where being present comes in.)

I choose to accept my life as it is, to feel content with what’s before me. I choose to enjoy my situation, feel satisfied with the present moment, and know everything has a timeline and will eventually blossom. I choose to savor every drop of my life because this moment is all I have. I know some things take a while and I’m finally willing to wait.

I dream of a world where we realize change can happen at any moment, every moment, not just externally but internally as well. A world where we recognize things happen according to God’s timeline and in the meanwhile the best we can do is enjoy what is. I dream of a world where each person is filled with ease and patience and joy. A world that caters to our best interest as opposed to instant gratification. A world where patience is valued, where we’re willing to wait for what we want. A world where we are present and content and happy.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

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