Sitting With It

I had/have a pinched nerve. On Tuesday I woke up with a searing pain. My neck and upper shoulder hurt so much I almost cried as I walked to work – the strain of my backpack was too much to bear. I am very much the type of person when something doesn’t feel good I want to be out of it as quickly as possible. What can I do to make this better? What can I do to make this go away?

On Tuesday I kept taking breaks to stretch my neck and shoulders. I ducked into an empty conference room and started doing every yoga pose I could think of to target that area. At the time it helped, but the pain got progressively worse as the day wore on. I couldn’t even hold my head properly it hurt so much at the end of the day. I went to a Passover Seder that night and had to have the person on my right pour me some grape juice because I couldn’t pick up the glass Knudsen’s bottle. I tried doing everything I could to feel better because I sure as heck didn’t want to feel the pain.

On Wednesday I saw my chiropractor and she (ironically) said to me sometimes it’s best to just sit with the pain and let it be what it is. Let the pain move through the body, to rest, and just to let it be. So I did and now I feel better (of course).

I feel like my reaction to my pinched nerve can also be applied to other things. To emotional pain or sorrow. If I’m feeling sad I don’t want to feel sad, I want to do EFT and affirmations to feel better right this minute. I want to get myself out of my funk as quickly as possible. What I’m learning though is in order to release that stuff, first I have to accept it. For instance, spraying dog poop with perfume doesn’t get rid of it – the perfume only masks the smell for a little while. I have to acknowledge my pain first before it can vacate the premises.

I think I like to brush past the non-happy places as quickly as possible because a part of me thinks I can’t bear the pain. It seems like too much. There’s a great quote I stumbled across last night I think fits in with this really well:

“Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond the pain.” – Saint Bartholomew

I don’t really have so much to say here except I’m finally letting myself sit with my emotions and physical discomforts. Instead of immediately reaching out for something to “make” me feel better I’m allowing myself to feel fully. To take it in so it can leave. Because it’s only when I fully acknowledge something that I can truly face it head on. It’s not until I say, “Yes, there is some poop on the carpet,” that I can clean it up.

I dream of a world where we are at peace just where we are, and we accept our good knowing all needs and desires will be fulfilled. I dream of a world where we allow ourselves to be, to feel, to accept. A world where we know it is safe to do so. A world where we allow states to move through us like clouds billowing in the sky. A world where we recognize we can handle anything our higher power throws at us. Because we can.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.