I want to feel special, chosen, exalted. Unfortunately, I've been operating under the misconception it's other people's responsibility to do that for me. I've been relying on other people to make me feel special and guess what? It's not working.
I know it's not working because people tell me how special I am, how wonderful, etc. and I can't take the compliments in. I don't believe the person because as much as they love and care for me, it's not enough. It's never enough. I want to be the specialist special snowflake there is. I want to be the best, the favorite, the most loved. And I have some shame about that. Particularly because I've been told over and over again that everyone is special, no one is more unique than anyone else, etc. But in my mind, saying everyone is special is the same as saying no one is special, myself included. I've been operating from a scarcity mindset:“There is only so much special to go around!” but in truth, that's not the case.
|This picture. I mean really.|
I think about a story I heard from Marianne Williamson on beauty. She walked into her niece's bedroom one day and found the girl and her friends trash talking a supermodel, nitpicking every flaw as to evidence why the supermodel wasn't beautiful. Marianne gently told the girls, no, the supermodel is beautiful, but so are you. The supermodel's beauty doesn't detract from theirs. There is enough beauty to go around. If that can be said about beauty, why can't it also be said about uniqueness?
I also think about a few blogposts I wrote: “We are What We Seek,” and “Why We Matter.” In “We are What We Seek,” I was reminded the things I seek externally I already have internally. In this instance, no person will ever make me feel special if I don't tell that to myself, if I don't believe it already. In “Why We Matter,” I wrote about how we are unique manifestations of a Cosmic Consciousness, here to co-creatively birth something that otherwise would not have been in existence. Doesn't that also mean we're special? No person like you or me has ever existed before nor will they exist in the future.
The bottom line here is we are each divine children of the universe. None of us is more loved than another but instead of being loved equally, I think we're loved differently. Our unique talents and gifts should be praised and appreciated but they should not be placed above anyone else's because each of us is valued, important, and precious.
I dream of a world where we know we are each special because we each are different. A world where we understand we are a one-of-a-kind divine being who has never existed before and will never exist again. A world where we understand feeling special is an inside job and a gift we give to ourselves.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.