Love and Fear

This week I learned a lot about myself, where I am, and where I’d like to go. Someone I went to high school with died on Tuesday and it hit me like a Mack truck. We weren’t close but it brought up all this stuff for me. As soon as I heard the news I wanted to pick up the phone and call somebody, I wanted someone to comfort me.

As I walked home from work, tears leaking out from the corners of my eyes, my Papa did his best to pacify me. He said all the right things, made all the right soothing noises but it wasn’t enough. So then I called my mom. And she did all the same things. And it still wasn’t enough. And then I called some more people and it still wasn’t enough. After all this I realized, yet again, the comfort I crave has to come from me. The unconditional love, affection, and support has to come from within because coming from the outside it will never be enough. Because the outside love and comfort runs out. Because it’s unsustainable.

I think of it like a car. A car needs to run on gasoline but it can only go so far before it needs a refill. It’s the same way with getting love from the outside – it will help for a little while but eventually we’ll need more. Eventually we’ll run through the love and support someone else gave us and return for our refill. And keep returning unless we learn to refill ourselves. I’d rather generate my own love, affection, comfort and support because my supply is infinite. The love, affection, comfort and support coming from me never ends and never will end. And I don’t need a telephone or a computer to access it either, it’s right here with me at all times.

So here I am, back to self-love, back to filling up my own cup of happiness, back to relying on myself to meet my needs. Turning to myself for the unconditional love and support I crave. And I see how the more I love and approve and accept myself as I am, the more I can do that for others. Once I fill up myself, any leftovers can be given to other people.

The other issue Ryan’s death brought up for me was fear. Fear of what will happen to me. Fear I won’t realize my dreams. Fear of the future, which really means lack of trust. Lack of trust what’s best for me will happen. Lack of trust I’ll be taken care of. I would like to release my need for fear and instead turn my fear into trust and that’s done through love. Love for me and love for God.

Because life is magical, I of course came across this post on Louise L. Hay’s website (which I recommend reading) that deals with this very subject. Louise articulates exactly what I’ve been feeling using the exact same imagery. Before I came across the article, I wrote an e-mail to a friend saying how I think fear obscures our brightness. How fear is like a cloud that blocks out the sun. And how I’d rather live in the light. How I’d rather realize my own magnificence. In fact, that’s one of the affirmations Louise recommends: “I am now willing to only see my magnificence.”

And so, I realize I created this mental pattern, this need for fear, but so too I realize I can uncreate it. I have the power to change my mind and I use that power to create a life I wish to lead. I want to feel loved at all times. I want to feel safe at all times in all situations. I want to trust in my Creator and my Creator’s plan for me. I want to realize my magnificence and rise above thoughts that attempt to make me afraid. I am already cradled by the Divine in each and every moment – now it’s up to me to remember that.

I dream of a world where we love ourselves unconditionally. Where we feel safe in the here and now. Where we release our need for fear. Where we recognize ourselves to be bright, shining stars. A world where peace and harmony reign. A world where we feel at ease because we know and trust all our needs will be met. A world filled with magic and wonder and awe. A world where we see everything as an expression of an infinite, loving consciousness. Ourselves included.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Timing Is For My Own Good

As I write this one of my friends is in labor. Although she wasn’t due until the 24^th the baby obviously had other plans. The reason I mention this is because all day yesterday and today I’ve been thinking about timing – how timing is out of my hands and how in the past that’s driven me crazy.

What I’ve realized though is timing is for my own good. Some things I’m not ready for, some things I haven’t learned yet and so others cannot happen. I think about this new child entering the world, how my friends haven’t even moved into their new apartment yet, how it’s “inconvenient” for the kid to come early, but it doesn’t matter: that child wants out.

I also think about a story I tell often. While walking in the woods one day a boy comes across a chrysalis. The boy is SO excited and wants to see the butterfly emerge from the cocoon as soon as possible. Knowing the transformation involves heat, everyday the boy comes back and blows on the chrysalis, to speed up the process. One day the boy blows on the chrysalis and a butterfly emerges. Instead of flying off, the butterfly falls to the ground and dies because its wings haven’t fully developed.

Timing, just like everything else, happens for a reason. If I received things when I wanted them it may be to my detriment. So where I am right now is I’m learning patience. I’m learning to accept my life as it is, to be present and in the moment because I realize everything is happening for my highest good. If I wanted to swim the English Channel I’d have to build up to that level, I’d have to train for it. The same metaphor applies to getting a job, a house, whatever. It will come when the stars align, when it’s best for me and my development. I have nothing to worry about, no cause for concern.

In the past I’ve been very impatient, wanting things to be delivered to me immediately. I see now how impatience is not understanding God is watching out for me. Impatience is not understanding if I were to get what I want right now I may not be ready for it and it may cause more harm than good.

I’d like to stay in a place where I recognize everything happens for a reason in my best interest. Where I know timing is for my own good. Where I realize life is one big training ground and in order for me to understand/receive certain things there are specific lessons I need to learn first. A place where I accept this moment in time and feel gratitude for all that came before it.

I dream of a world where we know things unfold for the highest interest of all parties involved. A world where we realize things come to us when we are able to receive them. A world where we rejoice in what is. A world where we accept what lay before us, all the while knowing eventually we will reach our goals.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Recognizing Our Magnificence

More and more I feel like all I want to do is be who I am, to realize my potential, to step into the light and shine more brightly. I feel like much of my life has been spent wanting to feel normal and ordinary, wanting to blend in. I think what I’ve been doing to a degree is tarnishing my brilliance to fit in with others.

I’m reminded of a great quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I couldn’t agree more. I’m a place these days where I want everyone to shine. I think there’s a rampant belief that greatness is few and far between. That not everyone can be a Mozart or a Michelangelo – most of us are doomed to live an ordinary, boring life. I say that's not true.

I say there is potential for greatness within each of us. I say within all of us there is an extraordinary being just waiting to rise to the surface. A person capable of great and amazing things. A person who can write sonnets, a person who can compose a symphony, a person who can invent something spectacular. Instead of being a diamond in the rough, I want to be one diamond among many. I want to sparkle in the sunlight surrounded by beauty, knowing my brilliance is no more and no less than anyone else’s. I want to be the divine child of God that I am and I want others to do the same.

At the same time I recognize there has been a societal message obfuscating our magnificence. And so I leave you with a youtube video to help clear the energetic pathways so we can become the divine magnificent people we are meant to be:



Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Another World Is Still In The Making

I’d like to take this time and celebrate the fact this blog is more than a year old. And while I already wrote a post on AWIP’s birthday, I’d also like to take this moment for reflection.

When I started writing the tenor of this blog focused on the external world, how a new world is in the making as evidenced by the surge in environmentalism, yoga and meditation. As the year progressed my focus started to shift and I started to realize the external world is merely a reflection of the internal one.

So while I do still believe another world is in the making as shown by San Francisco passing mandatory composting laws, Barack Obama being the president of the United States, etc. what I see more of is the internal shift. As I look around me I see more and more people waking up to the power of their own minds. I see more and more people recognizing their own autonomy, their part to play in life’s drama. As I look around me I see all these light beings stepping out of the fog, rising up to meet their true potential.

It’s as true today as it was a year ago – another world is not only possible, it’s probable. It’s probable because more people are joining the revolution, more people are tapping into their power, more people are awakening their hearts and minds, realizing not only do they wish to see another world but they can manifest it. I say another world is probable because the spider’s web of consciousness is threading us together, bringing us closer and closer to each other and to the Divine. I say another world is probable because I see it both within me and around me.

Thanks for staying with me on this journey as we all come to realize another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Be Here, Now

“I just want to know the future. If I knew the future and what will happen then I can relax and enjoy the here and now.” I’ve been hearing this from other people all week, mainly former coworkers looking for a steady job, feeling anxious because they are currently unemployed. I feel this way too sometimes. A part of me wants to know whether I’ll be laid off come October when the next quarter ends. Or what my life will look like two months from now. And can I just say it sucks?

It sucks to be in a place where I’m worrying about the future, where I’m agonizing over what’s next instead of living my life. The over-used phrase, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans,” comes to mind.

I know for me when I start worrying about the future it’s because I’m not trusting in the process of life. I’m not trusting in my Creator and my Creator’s plan for me. It taps into my need for feeling safe and secure because somehow I think by knowing the future I’ll realize I’m taken care of. Somewhere along the way I picked up the idea I need to know what’s ahead in order to feel safe.

I think about something my friend Heather said to me about the future, safety and security: “Are you any more secure and stable now that you’re employed full time and have your own apartment? Or is it all an illusion?”

She’s right. Tomorrow I could walk into work and find out I’ve been laid off. In the next 15 seconds my apartment could flood or catch on fire or get hit with an asteroid. So no, I’m not any more secure and stable now than when I kept moving from place to place, it only feels that way. It only feels that way because I’ve quieted my mental chatter and I’ve allowed myself to believe I’ll still be employed tomorrow and I’ll still have a place to live tonight.

The place where I’d like to be is recognizing I am safe, secure and protected at all times. Since I recognize safety, security and stability is a state of mind, I’d like to change my mental patterns to reflect that. I’d like my safety, security and stability to come from within as opposed to external situations. I’d like to feel like no matter what happens I will be taken care of.

Once again I plumb the depths of my mind, I go internally and recognize the point of power is in the here and now, is within me at all times. I start affirming for myself I am safe, secure and protected no matter the circumstances.

Sometimes though it’s not so easy to say those affirmations and to believe them. I know that too. I know sometimes we cling tightly to an idea, to a need to know the future, for a certain situation to work out, for a certain person to be in our lives, for a certain job to drop in our laps. I know sometimes it’s hard to let go.

For me, before I can get to the places I want to be, before I can start believing the affirmations I say to myself, there’s a precursor affirmation: “I am willing to release my need for X.”

I usually fill in X with something I want to get rid of, like, “I’m willing to release my need for fear,” or “I’m willing to release my need for this condition.” Something that is not serving me and only holds me back.

Why did I title this post “Be Here, Now?” Mostly because the point of power resides in this moment. Because the present is all we have. Because the future is really just a concept, always changing, ever-new. I spent far too much of my life worrying about what’s next, missing out on what lay before me, lamenting would could be as opposed to enjoying what is. I want my life to be light and easy and joyful and that comes by trusting in God, changing my mental patterns, and feeling gratitude.

I dream of a world where we release our need to know the future. I dream of a world where we live in the moment, enjoying what is. Where we all feel safe and secure and protected at all times. Where the future is something we accept, but we also laugh because we realize there is only now. I dream of a world where we recognize the power of our minds to change our lives and our world. Where we live life in real time.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.