I am sad and angry and pissed off. Mostly I feel cheated and lied to. I feel cheated and lied to because people have said, “Just do x, y, and z and then you’ll get what you want.” So then for years and years and years I worked on doing x, y, and z and now? I still don’t have what I want. I feel like a whiny baby for even talking about this but I think there’s an important lesson to all of it: other people are not privy to the details of my path. They just aren’t.
Other people don’t know. They know what works for them, what they did, but they don’t know what will work for me. No one can say to me, “Rebekah just do this,” because you know what? I did. I did all of it. Every single last thing. And now that I look around, now that I’m at the edge of the cliff what I want still isn’t in front of me. And I’m sad and upset and frustrated because, “You promised! You said if I did x, y, and z I would get what I wanted! But I haven’t!” And also there’s nothing left to try. Crap. Now what?
Bye bye control, that’s for sure. Bye bye micromanaging and thinking I can control the outcomes of my life. Bye bye thinking other people can tell me what to do. Bye bye all illusions. Hello higher power/God/Brahma/Parama Parusa, it’s just you and me now. I know you’ve been waiting on me for a while but I had to try it my way first. I didn’t believe you could or would handle things. I thought I had to take care of it myself. Now I know differently. There ain’t nothing left to do but give it to you. So here you go. You take care of things for a while. Me trying to control the outcomes of my life only drives me nuts.
And while you’re taking care of things for me I’ll walk over into gratitude and appreciation because I want to feel good. I want to enjoy what I have. I want to live in joy and love and happiness. I want to remember the good things in my world and all that I have, knowing everything else will take care of itself. This is me showing up and turning it over. I don’t know that anyone else will even benefit from reading this except maybe it will inspire you to let your higher power handle it too. Whatever “it” is.
I dream of a world where we remember we are all on our own paths. A world where we recognize other people only know what’s best for them. A world where we trust in a power greater than ourselves and let the future take care of itself. A world where we instead live in the moment, joyous and free, taking things as they come one day at a time.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Hahaha someone is in a rather cantankerous isolated mood:)
ReplyDeleteWell there are only two ways to get what you want. Either you can have no wants, or you can want the same thing for yourself as the universe wants for you (cause lets be honest here - when it comes to a smack-down between you and the universe...bet on universe). And while I do think that other people may know what is best for you, they may know the best way to go about aiming for what you want, and they may even be able to help you with what you want, in the end it is only the choice of the universe that maters.
I am also beginning to suspect that a person can't work towards happiness - it is not something you can achieve in incremental steps, or get closer too with effort. All you can do in life is try your best to do the right thing and help those people around you, and if you are meant to find happiness, the universe will bring it to you. And if not, that is OK too (Again don't hold me to this part just yet).
Enjoy the peace that comes with surrender (which seems to be your conclusion after turning it over).
LuckyGoDucky
PS. If you must plan your life - plan in broad stroke:)
Hi Lucky,
ReplyDeleteThanks. =) Basically I'm trying to align myself with the universe. It leads to the least amount of frustration. ;-p
Understood.
ReplyDeleteBut don't let your efforts to align yourself be a source of frustration:)
Let yourself go and the winds will carry you.
Best wishes on a Friday night!
Well night in my time anyway:)
LuckyGoDucky
Maybe it's a curse for you to not have gotten it to see that what your small ego wants may be just limiting your beautiful ever-expanding life. The ego demands STAY THE SAME!! Wheras, as long as I've known you, you've been open to growing way beyond where you "should" be at this tender age.
ReplyDeleteAND....girl, you know if you REALLY wanted it....you could have already had it. Maybe it is also a bit of a curse that you know such a love of the Divine that mere humanness, rightly so, does pale in comparison.