After my raw post from last week certain things came to light. I’ve written before about not living my life on a layaway plan, not projecting my future happiness on winning a gold medal or whatever, but I did just that. I thought I needed to get exactly what I wanted before I could be happy. I couched it (subconsciously) as, “As soon as I get X, then I’ll be happy. Then I’ll feel at peace.” My breakdown last week reminded me of the fallacy of placing the cause of my happiness on anyone or anything other than myself. I was reminded that I do not have to wait for happiness. I don’t have to put it off. I can choose to be happy right here and right now.
How does a person even do that? How do they shift their feelings and feel whole and complete with what’s in front of them?
In a conversation with my best friend he asked me, “What is the purpose of your life?” and I responded, “Liberation.” And then he said, “What is the purpose of this life?” and I said, “To experience bliss.”
“What is the definition of bliss?” he said.
“I don’t know. How can you define bliss? It’s an emotion. It’s a state of joy.”
“And what’s joy?”
“Why are you asking me that? How am I supposed to describe joy?” (He and I have a very cantankerous relationship at times.)
“It means to experience happiness.”
“To experience contentment.”
“And how do you experience contentment?”
“By being appreciative and grateful for what you have.”
Ah. Ding. Happiness starts with contentment. And even though right now my nickname could be senorita crazy pants, I recognize if I wanted I could change that. I recognize my mom will not make me feel better. I recognize publishing my book will not make me feel better. I recognize all the reasons, all the lists of things and events and situations I think I need to feel a certain way can be completely disregarded. I can throw those suckers in the trash not because they aren’t worthwhile or they won’t come true, but because I don’t need them to happen to feel better. And for that I’m grateful. Maybe I’ll get to experience bliss after all.
I dream of a world where we all experience untold bliss. A world where we live in unconditional happiness. A world where we live in love and peace and joy. A world where we recognize we decide how we feel. A world where love is bountiful and plenty and bliss floats like clouds in the sky.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.